[BLAST]OFF!

So i created this blog months ago, and through the difficult transitions, the family emergencies, the homesickness, the adjustment to my new job, and moving (twice!), it pretty much got lost in the shuffle. My apologies... Better late than never, right?

I don't know why I chose today of all days to begin writing again. I mean, I have no particular attachment to Valentine's Day and being quite unattached myself this year, it really has solely become just a small reminder of how much I do love my family and friends EVERYday. Nevertheless, I felt the urge to put some stuff down on paper (even if it is virtual paper) and this day seemed as good as any. So here I go...

I am a Cabrini Mission Corps Missioner. I have been since August 2011. And it's taken me quite a bit of time (almost 6 months) to really define myself as such. For the longest time the major descriptive nouns in my vocabulary were exclusively daughter, sister, granddaughter, Catholic, student, friend, Mary Louis graduate, Fordham alum, youth minister. I am at ease with these descriptions. They are me, I am them. No explanations needed. MISSIONER has been a tougher addition, though. LOTS of explanations needed.

Issue #1: No one knows what a missioner is.
Nine times out of ten, people haven't ever heard the word missioner before. If you were to go on dictionary.com and search the word missioner, the definition for missionary would come up. People have heard of missionaries, but very rarely have they heard of missioners. Big difference? Not really. In fact, one online dictionary defines a missioner as someone "of or pertaning to a missionary or missionary work." Many circles would even say that they're the same thing. But I don't know... Somehow, I beg to differ...

Issue #2: Am I reluctant to call myself a missionary? Yes.
I know that I am with the Cabrini Mission Corps, which is run by the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart and founded by a great missionary Saint (Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini). Don't get me wrong! I have no direct issues with missionaries. In fact, I love a lot of missionaries (my housemate, Sr. Grace, MSC being one them)! But I honestly think that the "old" definition for missionary no longer fits the needs and experiences of people today.

What usually comes to mind (at least in my mind) with the word missionary is a lot of proselytizing, a lot of suppression, much oppression, and a great deal of paternalism. How many of those first missionaries into Africa, Australia, Asia, North & South America destroyed some really beautiful cultural traditions and forcibly inserted themselves into the lives of groups of people who did not need them at all? (Ever read Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe?) This is the main issue I have with the word missionary. I do believe that there are missionaries out there who are doing very good work in the name of God, and following in the good footsteps of Holy people like Mother Cabrini and Francis Xavier. But I also believe that there are many others who are abusing their rights, their power, and the Gospel, just as many of the missionaries of the Age of Exploration did. And for that reason, I am not ok with lumping myself into the same category.

Issue #3: I LIKE the word Missioner, but it needs a lot of explaning.
Which brings us back to the original topic of why including the word missioner as a desciptive noun for myself has been a challenge -- because it can be EXHAUSTING explaining what I believe it means. Quite honestly, over the past few months through the daily work of my ministry, my interactions with my community, and the ups and downs of my spiritual life, I have struggled with buying into the whole "missioner lifestyle." Is it for me? Does it fit my beliefs and the ways in which I've decided to live out my faith life? Can I call myself a missioner in public without cringing or saying the word "volunteer" instead? I gotta tell ya, being home for Christmas and seeing all of the extended family was pretty tough!

But it has been almost 6 months. I have been a CMC Missioner for almost 6 months. And those growing pains definitely helped me to state that proudly and know who I am.

I am a Lay Missioner with the Cabrini Mission Corps, rooted in the spirituality and mission of the MSCs and the legacy of St. Frances Xavier Cabrini. I am a proud Filipino-Catholic, the daughter of my immigrant parents, the granddaughter of my Filipino grandparents, a sister to Andrea, a cousin, a niece, a friend, a woman of The Mary Louis Academy, an alumna of Fordham University. My desire to serve as a missioner has grown out of my upbringing, and has been fueled by my Jesuit education to be a "woman for others." Ignatian spirituality is at the root of my being, and I desire wholeheartedly to always be for Christ and do good for the Greater Glory of God. My relationships with the people of South Africa, Brasil, Australia, India, New Orleans, Mississippi, Spain, and the Philippines have taught me to treasure diversity and simplicity...and their plights have spurred me to work for justice in whatever ways I can. I am a missioner in that I am guided by the Gospel and strengthened by the Holy Spirit. I am a missioner in that I choose to go where I believe God is calling me to be. I do not impose, believe that I am better, or promise to do things that are beyond my means. I do promise to learn, grow, empower, live in solidarity, and appreciate generosity and the will of the human spirit. I will leave when I am no longer needed.

It took six months, but I have finally internalized my definition for the word.
And so, I am proud to call myself a CMC Missioner.

+AMDG+AMGSsCJ+